Because tween sensation Miley Cyrus is sold out at MGM Grand at Foxwoods!. Or you better hope she needs some fancy dancin' backup for her act.

What would Indian Country do without Jerry Reynolds? The esteemed ICT reporter has been providing us with so many laughs over the years, we'd probably die without his unique blend of anonymous quotes, confused metaphors and 350-word sentences.

So we were very happy to read today's faux hit piece on John McCain, the Not So Great White Father (tm) who is trying very hard to be the No So Great White President (tm). Written in the true Reynolds spirit, the article got an anonymous quote for the ages, unattributed to a vague "Indian political veteran":

'I don't know this John McCain anymore. ... I don't know if this John McCain knows John McCain anymore.''

Anyone want to venture the identity of this alleged source? We'd like to say it was Ernie Stevens Jr of NIGA but that might be giving him too much credit! Stevens does hold a bit of a grudge against McCain but, then again, so does anyone else who has had the misfortune to testify before McCain since 2001 and not completely agree with what he tells you to believe.

So, basically, the source could be any of the following persons: Sharon Blackwell, Liz Homer, Montie Deer, Kevin Washburn, Ron His Horse Is Thunder, Phil Hogen, Elouise Cobell, Ron Suppah, Mark van Norman, George Skibine, Mike Jandreau, Harold Frazier or any random Navajo! It also could be any Indian over the age of 40. Oh well.

But at least one person was courageous enough to speak up! Elmer Savila, who also got a shout out in today's Tim Giago piece, is telling people not to vote for the former chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee:

''John McCain at one time claimed that he was a friend of Indians. ... He hasn't done anything substantial except hold an occasional hearing and talk like a friend. I'm telling everybody out there that he's not the guy. He's not the man for Indian country.''

But wait, there's more...

"The hell of it is, neither is the other one," Savila said, referring to Barack Obama.

You better stay at home this November, Indian Country!

Have you been inside any of the 50 homes owned by Sen. John McCain(R-Arizona) and his Sturgis Goddess Wife?? If not, let Architectural Digest take you inside one of his Phoenix abodes, where the living room is tastefully decorated with a cigar store Indian!

Yes, the former two-term chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee has a wooden statue of an Indian in his home! And look at all those kachina dolls. And McCain's many awards for being chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee!

Sure, this was published 2005, so it's possible that John and Cindy immediately went home and burned that wooden Indian. And replaced it with the more appropriate Chief Wahoo.

In The Hoop isn't an expert in all Indian languages but we're pretty sure "How" is not an accurate greeting in any of them. But Needham, Massachusetts, resident Fred Muzi insists the red paint, headdress and loincloth he dons every Fourth of July represent a respectful portrayal of Native people.

And how does he know? An "army buddy" who is supposedly Pueblo told him so! "I’ve just always found them fascinating," Muzi, the owner of a car dealership, told The Needham Times.

On behalf of all Native people, we say "No thanks."

You know your presidential campaign is in a rough place when Kellie Pickler gets higher billing than you! It's almost like the Buffalo Chip Campground forgot Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona) was coming. He sure didn't tell any tribal leaders or visit any of them during his visit to South Dakota on Monday.

But at least one person on that bill wasn't not afraid to be seen with Native people. Pickler dated Nashville Predators player Jordin Tootoo, who is from Nunavut, last year. McCain's latest relationship with the Senate Indian Affairs Committee barely lasted that long.

Too bad they can't vote. Or serve on federal juries.

From XKCD

Dear Tribal Gaming Commissioners:

Your attention please.

Install these eBay slot machines in your tribal gaming facilities as soon as possible!

Thank you,

From your friends at the National Indianz Gaming Commission.

Word from NCAI is that Majel "99 Problems" Russell is resigning as of Friday. And Debbie "Silver Dollar", who was allegedly in the middle of the Carl-Majel brouhaha, is moving to another agency. George Skibine is cleanin' up!

You better get on this ASAP, Jerry Reynolds. This is another hot tip from the Washington insider who brought you news of the Section 20 regulations way back on May 12, just as soon as Carl Artman signed them and long before anyone else know about them.

So what's the latest scoop? It's another potentially devastating blow to Indian Country from our friends at the Interior Department:

I understand that there was a meeting the other day between Phil Hogan and Secretary Kempthorne in which Hogan was being told that the Secretary was exercising his inherent authority to review and overturn NIGC determinations. This revolved around the recent Poarch Band Creek Indina Lands Determination. I was wondering why your site did not have anything on this.

The National Indian Gaming Commission issued the opinion for the Poarch Band of Creek Indians on May 19. Looks like Dirk McGuirk jumped on Phil Hogen real quick!

So DiversityInc has done its part for the corporate world. In the interests of public service, In The Hoop has a list of things Bureau of Indian Affairs employees NEVER say to each other, as compiled by a secret BIA worker.

"I'm Staying Late Today."
Everyone knows the BIA closes at 4:30pm.

"Do you have anything for me to do?"
Unless it's in my job description. I ain't bovvered!

"Don't you miss Ada Deer?"
Closely followed by "Don't You Miss Hilda Manuel?" and "Don't you miss Sharon Blackwell?" The answer to all of these questions is: NO!!!!!

"What is the purpose of this land-into-trust application?"
What's an EIS?

"Do you think we should call central office?"
Well, they won't know the answer either.

"What is George Skibine wearing?"
I don't know but it looks fabulous!

"What's 11 down?"
Crosswords, the past-time of choice for BIA employees. But now we have the Internets, so we can resume that Yahoo! game we saved in 2001.

"How much is your per cap?"
If I had one, would I be working here?

In The Hoop isn't advocating this sort of behavior ... but at least members of the Kayapo Tribe in Brazil got their point across by attacking a government official with machetes in protest of a $6.7 billion dam on their territory.

The official said was "OK" though he was obviously injured in the attack on Tuesday. The Associated Press reported that tribal members -- including women -- were painted and wearing feathers for the special occasion.

And here's the best quote:

“He’s lucky he’s still alive,” said Partyk Kayapo, who uses his tribe’s name as his last. “They want to make a dam, and now they know they shouldn’t.”

Now, why didn't we think of that when the Bush administration decided to reorganize the Bureau of Indian Affairs and expand the Office of Special Trustee?

OK, we're kidding. Sorta.

Carl Artman, Oneida from Wisconsin, is resigning from the Bureau of Indian Affairs in 11 days. Besides the lavish gathering catered by Famous Dave's and the $48,500 portrait by a non-Indian artist, what legacy will this Bush nominee leave for Indian Country?

Well, something big is afoot over at 1849 C Street, according to a Washington insider*:

The new Section 20 regulations are in their final stages of publications. They will be Artman’s cruel final gift to Tribes.

You heard it here first! Not only is Artman finally taking action on land-into-trust applications in California, he's finally going to finalize those long-delayed regulations, only 20 years after the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act was passed. You can bet at least one presidential candidate will be taking credit for this.

* = A tip we picked up from Jerry Reynolds to refer to some random schmo in DC who wants to say something about Indians.

Have you seen this white, Indian or Hispanic man, who is somewhere between the ages of 30 and 40 and who is as short as 5'2" but as tall as 5'8"?

Oh and he has facial hair that is blond AND salt-and-pepper?

If so, then please contact police in Durango, Colorado, as well as Adam Beach at Law & Order: SVU, because the description of this crime suspect probably won't make it any easier to catch him!